I Heart Stream of Consciousness

I don’t know why my mind is so dull today. So blank. After staring at my screen for the past 20 minutes, I have decided to do what I always do when I’m stuck. Just type in the thoughts as they occur. This could get ugly, people. I’m truly writing this post as a stream of consciousness.

Today is Valentine’s Day and other than wearing a red t-shirt and socks with hearts on them, it’s just another day. Bill and I will go to Panera because it’s Wednesday and that’s where we go on Wednesdays, and we will give each other cards. With my birthday only two days away, Cupid has stepped further and further into the shadows over the years. And that’s really okay. I feel Bill’s love every day and think that Cupid can perhaps work some magic in the lives of people who are not as fortunate as we are and don’t have another person to love them. We’ve been married for 25 years and knew each other for three years prior to that. We both have confidence that love is always present between us.

I can’t think about long marriages without thinking of other marriages in my family. My parents had been married for 63 years when my dad passed away. My brother and sister-in-law have been married for almost 40. My aunt and uncle have passed the 50 year mark. What makes these marriages work? What takes a couple past the wedding day and allows their love, given the enormous challenges of living together, to grow? What sustains love year after year?

I don’t know about other relationships. I can only get into the soul of my union with Bill, and even then I can only reach into the guts of one side: mine. So this is what I think. What carries over from the wedding day to the marriage is I would never. I would never hurt Bill. I would never cheat. I would never lie. I would never leave him. I would never disrespect him or dishonor him or disavow our vows. I would never let him sit at home and wonder where I am because I will always call if I am running late. I would never let him feel unloved.

As for the I wills? That’s simple. I will never not love him. Truly and completely. And on this day of hearts and flowers and chocolate, that’s all that really matters.



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