Comeback Tour

It seems my pain is making a comeback tour, only this time with a twist. It’s kind of like the ad I saw yesterday for the awesome Eagles on a new tour, but now Vince Gill is an Eagle. Huh? I guess it kind of makes sense, though. The Eagles needed a new voice and Vince Gill has a voice who can sing to me any time.

But I don’t want this pain singing to me, or playing a drum solo, or doing jazz improvisation. I don’t want it at all, especially in this new incarnation. Yesterday my neck seized up so badly it stopped me in my tracks. It was exactly the same muscle cramp, Charlie horse trick it used to play on me when it first arrived in my life more than ten years ago. My neck pain is always there, as are the headaches, but this intensely painful seizing up has been taking a break. Perhaps it’s been resting up, writing some new material, and practicing for its comeback tour.

Whatever the reason, it was back with a vengeance yesterday and because I was in school and could not be tethered to my heating pad, I did the next best thing. I dug into my emergency toiletry stash and found one of my Thermacare neck wraps. Only these things don’t wrap at all; they just get stuck onto the side my neck with adhesive material that sticks and pulls my hair. Worst of all, they look exactly like feminine napkins. So basically I walked around all afternoon yesterday in horrible pain with what looked like a maxi-pad stuck to my neck. It was quite attractive.

I wish I knew what led this pain to go back on tour. Why now? Is it because it has a new, cool lead singer? Or is it trying to tell me something? I have wondered this for years, of course, but have never gotten a good answer. Alas, this is an existential question for another day. A day when my heating pad is not calling out to me.

I can’t help but wonder what’s next, though. I would like to think it would be me without pain, but I think it’s more likely that Reba McIntire will tour as a Spice Girl. Weird…